I don't know where to start, I'm just gonna let my thoughts flow from here, and I hope that to whomever is reading this, may you have some form of encouragement or know me better(?).

It's been a long time since I've blogged, but I really just want to write this down as a reminder to myself, because I don't wanna forget this day.

Today I went to church for a meeting, and even before the message was being shared, during praise and worship, I prayed and said something along the lines of, " I've suffered, and I've been through so much, but help me, to do Your work, and I know that I'll have to suffer more, but I'll take it whatever you give to me, make me your vessel". Then guess what, the message that happened to be shared was " Do not stumble on the account of Jesus". Yes as of now you still might not understand what's it all about. I'll summarize everything while sharing my thoughts.

Sometimes we feel that God has delayed His response, that He has denied our requests, and we feel that He has deserted us. I've always felt this from time to time. I've felt alone even though I know I'm not alone.
Sometimes we think that we're the only ones who's not being helped, and we start to doubt ourselves and God.


I'm guilty that I've always felt like that the moment i'm in a hard time and it seems that it's not getting any better. Where are you God? What are you doing? But she shared a verse in which i've heard many many many times. But tonight, it finally sunk deep into my heart, I finally grasp the understanding. The verse goes like this " And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. "

It struck me, that I've always been complaining about issues in my life and all that and maybe once in a while I know that I've to go through certain stuff to grow but not all. But finally I understand that there are things no matter what we have to grow through even though it might kill us, I believe that God has a plan for all of us, and he has made no mistake in that, and sometimes we need to accept a "No" from God. His ways are higher than ours and we might not understand it but He does.
So we prayed at the end, and I realized I do not have any recollection of my childhood, the first memory of life as it is started when I was primary 4. I don't remember anything before that other than picture memories. At that age, if I were to sum up my life at time point of time, honestly, it would be "Suffering". You might be wondering, what could I possibly be suffering from at that age, I was only 10 years old. But I don't know what was wrong with me then, with a slight family issue, I never really had a "relationship" with my family. I was to myself in my home. I could still say that maybe it has gotten better over the years now, but my family still don't know much about me. At 10, I cried myself to sleep countless time, searched for love in other places, because I couldn't find the love I need at home. I began to break, I don't know if I was in a state of depression or what, but it was really bad, every night I'd think that I should die. I'd dream of death and always wake up in the middle of the night because I dreamt that I died. You know that sudden jerk when you wake up from a nightmare or such that kind of awakening. I would cut myself and bleed and I'll enjoy that pain because somehow it took away the pain of the thoughts. You'd see me with cuts over my wrists, legs, etc. This went on for 3 years. If i wasn't dead physically, I was pretty dead mentally. All I remember from my "childhood" is pain. Yes, there are moments of happiness somewhere along the way, but they do not outweigh the amount of memories of times i've hurt myself. Then, during my sec 1 days, I came to know God. For around 2 years till I'm sec 2 to 3. I believed I changed but then, once again I'm met with the same issues and it haunted me, this time I lost faith, and trust in God, I left. Now I didn't cut myself, but I've almost killed myself twice. Once I opened the windows and grills of my home windows, literally with no hope and anything, I looked down at the bottom, but sooner or later I never had the guts to jump. Second time, I tried to overdose myself with ALOT of different kinds of pills I could find, I practically knocked out but nothing happened to me, and I thank God for that now. So yeah, I've felt countless times of heartbreaking moments in my life. I smoked for about 5 years. Though I tried to stop, but it was never easy. I came back to God when I was 17(?) During that time, I still was my old self, but I've experienced so much of God's love that you know me now as who I am. I believed I changed so much, though the situations might not have changed, but I changed, which really changes the way I see things. As I grew older, I slowly learned how to handle myself, because I look back on my previous times, and I know how much more I've suffered and now I am able to move on easier or have a better mindset on the situations I'm facing. But honestly, tonight of all nights, I finally understand that any hardships, any pain or suffering, I will endure. I will boast in my infirmities, because I realize that of all the things in my life I remember the hard times, but yet what people see is a person who is happy and cheerful, that's because God has kept me positive, and I trust in Him that whatever I go through, it shall be for His Glory. So today, I stand on that promise that His Grace Is Sufficient For Me.

To actually wake up to another day, to put my feet infront of the other, to endure another day. Times 
may come where my faith would be tested and I know that, but I believe whatever it may be, let it be to glorify Him.

Life has never been the same, or I wouldn't even be alive, if it wasn't for His love. I look forward to more change in myself, that I may be able to move from day to day, without any regrets. If you've actually read to this point, I thank you, and if you're not a believer but yet you've read till this point, I hope that one day you too would come to know of this exact love that I know. I never believed in a God, till I experienced it for myself. We've got nothing to lose, but everything to gain. All I had to do, was believe and that changed the course of my life. I pray for you who is reading this, that whatever you're going through right now, I pray that you would understand the bigger picture, and have a understanding of why you go through such things, there's always something to learn from hardships in life, and I pray that you would not lose hope or faith or love, but grow with every encounter. I pray that you will become greater and pray that you know that you are loved. Amen. If God can change me, He definitely can change you too.

Day 4 & 5 ~

Saturday was a good day, went to church as usual, had a very good and about the power of focus part 2. Then had good fellowship and then I was back home again, studying as usual. What's new right? :P Saturday was a concentrated day on focus. So other than that I've got nothing much to say for saturday :P

As for sunday, I had ministry, and also it's the blood donation week at church, so I wanted to go but guess what after I've filled the form and all.. they said i'm too early. Usually they have a date that you can donate, mine was 9th Sept i think, and actually have a date that's before 9th sept, which is called early period. So i'm technically 8 DAYS EARLIER THAN THE EARLIEST POSSIBLE DONATION DATE. So i've got to wait another week :P Oh well, I'll just have to go down to the bloodbank again, but this time I found a friend to bring along! yay ! :D I had a good time fellowshipping with my ministry members before we started our practice. We apparently met randomly on the way, and then we all went to eat together. Lucky us! We learned to play Freedom. Which to me, I think was rather easier than usual and it's really good, songs that we always learn gets stuck in my head for days and i keep playing the beat on my lap :P Can't wait to train with my leader and then start playing for cell group !(:

In 12 hours time, my final paper is going start, and honestly, I still don't know how to do alot of stuff, but I believe that it will go well, I have to go to sch in the early morning later to do my work, and I hope that I will be able to absorb as much as I can from my friend an focus on what to do, and just do finish the paper and then start my holidays. I pray that it will all go well later, and that it will be a fruitful day for me.

- Disciplined people submit their emotions to wisdom-

I'm missing and loving you more and more each day. (:

Separation, something that we experience many times in our lives.

There is different kind of separations, those that are of the physical realm, such as you separating from your mother's womb and etc. But I'll be talking about the separation that happens in your emotions, from the people you love.

I'm sure we all don't remember the first time we ever felt separation, but we surely do remember separation that made us feel that we have lost the world. Separations such as someone you love like your boyfriend/girlfriend who walked away from your life, vice versa. Usually, when we study in secondary school, and then we do our O's and graduate. We feel that separation in the bonds that we've created over the years in school. The stupid things that we've done together, the funny things we laugh at together, the hard times we've been through together. We think about them everyday, wondering when will be the next time that you guys will see each other again. Sometimes, it can affect us in ways that we don't know. We can start feeling sad all of a sudden, we can feel that we won't make it through without them. You start thinking "What If", what if we lost contact with one another, what if it becomes awkward the next time we see each other?

Well, I certainly have felt that, met a friend whom stays in Switzerland, a friend of my friend's. But even though I know that long friendships are very hard to keep, I couldn't help it because that friend was someone whom I can confide in. No matter where the person is, if you can find and feel that someone is there for you, you still can feel that love and bond with that person no matter where they are. But then it was all good when she was in Singapore for around 2 months. It wasn't a long time before she left for Swiz again. But during the time we had in SG, we made best of it. Having fun whenever we can, but then time caught up to us, and it was time for her to go back. Wish she didn't leave? OF COURSE. But then, that's where I have no choice but to learn how to make friendships like that last. Though we might be miles apart, I learned how to maintain that friendship. Though the separation is distance and time zones, caused us to have little time to talk to one another, cause when I'm awake she's asleep. 7 Hours difference. But we always still write letters to each other and then scan them and send to one another. Sometimes if possible we would call one another. But also as time passed, the amount we talked to one another got lesser and lesser. Sometimes, we might not have talked for a week or so. There was this point of time where it was certainly awkward at first after a long break of conversations. I thought it was over, that it was hard to pick it up once again, like something fell in the water, the deeper it went the harder it is to get back. You start to contemplate, if you are even going to jump in and go down for it. But then, well somehow things got back to normal pace, and we were the same duo that used to be all fun and loving once again! How did that happen? I have no idea, but I guess it does take effort of both parties.

I couldn't have done it on my own, if the other party didn't wish it to happen, it wouldn't have. But this just showed me even though we are separated we still can keep this going on, only if your commitment to the friendship is strong. Separation can either cause things to worsen or help build a stronger bond. Worsen in a situation where both parties leave, having hate and resentment and bitterness for one another, which will amplify over time causing them to never turn back and stop to think what they could actually do or have done to make it better. The other side to separation would help a bond be stronger. Why? Because if they both really were meant for one another, they would be thinking and feel sorry every moment of their life until they think it's time to do something about it. All it takes is for one of them to make the move again, and they will find that are now more in love than before and that they can't be apart. But i've also seen people who do that like countless times like it's some game, and really I would just prefer them to not be together, because they're just causing each other to be more hurt each time. Get your heart mind and feelings straightened out then sit down and think about it.

I would just like to end this topic by saying that, don't give up on any bonds that you have. Never forget that person. Even though you guys might not have talked for A LONG TIME, take the opportunity to talk to them or meet them if you get the chance. Don't let it slip. Time is short for everyone and it is unpredictable. Don't only regret when the separation becomes permanent and there is no way for you to ever see or hear the person again. (:

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..." 
- Unknown. 

(Changed the blog song for this post. First and second is for you guys SAMURAIS SCs .) This would be a rather long post for I've not updated in some time. So my readers do bear with me.

Let's start with what has been happening in my life. I've currently graduated from ITE College East, and enrolled into Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Something I've always wanted. Worked hard for it and I guess my efforts didn't go to waste. I'm going to miss all my friends because my clique got split it to a point that everyone's everywhere. At least 1 in each poly. So I do hope for time to meet up with them and just having some beer and talking about all our lives in this new journey that we all have embarked on.

Now that I've enrolled into NP, there was this orientation that I had to attend which was called BAOC'13. Well, let's just say I didn't expect much from it before I went there, thinking to myself that I'd be weird. When I reached, I found out that most of the people in my group already known each other in some other camps before and etc. So I was just that someone who happens to drop by. I thought to myself " Well I just have to do my best to fit in". But that wasn't what happened, because it was easily done as my fellow members were nice and easy to bond with, usually it was with the guys at first. The girls well, haha they're rather quiet at first, so it was rather hard to hold a conversation with substance with them. So I kept myself more to the guys. I would have to say that my SCs, Maya, Eng Guan, Elina, Bryan, Jessie and Jolene were very fun and loving bunch. Hahah they're like all younger than me. At first it was a little awkward, but as time passed, I got to know them and my members and we bonded very well.

On the second day of BAOC, we had many games to play and also through those sweat and voice breaking cheers, we got a stronger bond with one another. My members were very confidant with themselves, they weren't the kind to be shy or soft spoken, they will get things done. They're also actually competitive which makes it better for us as it will create a sense and atmosphere to win. True enough we did win most games and draws , and lost a few. But none the less, through all the effort that we put in and the other sub groups have put in, we emerged the top OG, The Warriors Of The World. At that moment, through all the cheers, though all the screams, to see Daryl, Jolene & Yu Hui, tear and weep. I couldn't help but almost breakdown, but I didn't cause that would just be.. well weird to others so I kept it in. But, the dedication that those 3 have put into this is really awesome and something that I really respect. They inspire me as well, to be able to handle all the pressure from those who are above them, and also having the responsibilities of many others, they have pulled it off. I cannot imagine just how joyful their hearts must have been at that point of time. But all I can say is that, leaders like them are never easy to come by.

Not only them, but the SCs(Student Coordinators) are really awesome, as they really represent a big family. Seeing them have fun on their own, with nothing to hype them up but yet they can create the atmosphere themselves. They also give their best to help the freshies in any way they can, they make sure that we enjoy ourselves. The SCs to me, are just like family that I would like to have around school. Something that is hard to find. I got to many of them though I don't know how I did. But I really love them, they're like brothers and sisters to me that I'll always look after, though I'm like first year, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm older and I'll always look after those I love and care for.

Friday(19th April). The day of Magnitude'13. Though I didn't want to go at first, because I was wondering like seriously who in the world would I be going with. But I just went ahead and got the tickets, and let events unfold as it goes. So I just went, suppose to go with Geraldine for awhile, but then she had her own friends, and I felt really out of place, so I went to look for my SCs even before starting. I really thank God for them, because without them, I would have just gone home. They're the people I school I really feel bonded with somehow, though I would honestly say I don't know them too much on a personal ground, but there's just something that makes me feel like I'm suppose to be there at that point of time. I really can't thank you guys enough, because I think I wouldn't have a good start to school if it weren't for all of you ! And I refer to everyone who was with me today! Even if we didn't talk or whatever, seeing your faces there already makes me happy ^^ Just goes to show me, how much of a family you guys really are. Thanks everyone. I love everyone of you. School wouldn't be the same without you guys! SAMURAIS. 

Eng Guan - Hey there my brother, thanks for doing your best and giving it your all, your enthusiasm and your motivation is certainly what helped bring up our spirits during BAOC, You really deserved the BEST SC award for that, not only did you have to help us with our orientation all the way, you also had to do so much for the performance, knowing that you actually had to do so much of cutting and stuff for the props. Man, you're really something. I believe you are someone who would give you 100% in something that you know has to be done by you, and you will someway or another make it right. Just want you to know that you're really funny and I do hope you're feeling better ! Please do take care of yourself, don't stress ah. And hey, honestly, if you ever need someone to just rant to, I'll be here for ya alright. I'll be your listening ear~

Bryan - Hey Bryannnnn! I'll always remember you as the person who sat down with me during lunch break of BAOC to get to know me, because the rest were playing cards and the girls were with themselves. You took the initiative to make me feel that I wasn't alone. That moment defined your character from my point of view. You're also the kinda person who is just chill and cool about stuff, not getting too anxious about anything, but yet you handle situations well from what I observed and that's a really good trait. Keep it up yeah! You're also really funny! Thanks for everything that you've done for us Bryan ((:

Maya - MAYA, MAYA. The only name that I kept hearing in the group after I just sat down during orientation day 1. You really have a strong spirited character and well a wild side(?) A good way uh! Screaming your lungs as if they're going to run out of breath and faint! Your craziness is really something that was needed, your random crap that you say heheh! I also think that you have very good facial expressions and that you could actually do acting I believe, have you ever thought of that? People like you are the very reason why orientation groups won't feel awkward, because you show them what it's like to be fun and crazy and you can do it with them too! Regardless if you know the person or not! Though I heard you had a awkward hi moment to bryan's friend. HAHAHAHAHA! THAT ONE I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPEN AH ! :P But all in all, thanks for your effort and care and concern!

Jolene - Hey there Jolene!!!! :D You and Jessie are the inseparable pair that I know of when I first came, you guys are like glued to one another, anywhere and everywhere. Though I would have to say that you seemed so tired during orientation times, you still always worry for the members, asking as if we're feeling okay, helping us to fan when the weather was just so hot.Thank you so much! Though we don't really have much of a personal talk, I just feel that you're someone who actually have many thoughts on your head, but sometimes you don't voice them out and that you're also the very understanding kind of person who would actually be there for someone who is in need.  (I'm just saying by what I feel, might not be true but whatever. :P ) I really do hope to know you better! Thanks for being there for Magnitude'13!

Jessie - Oh dear Jessie!  The Meow Queen, during the first day when I arrived and met you, you looked like a little flower girl, because you wore the band on your head. I'll always remember that hahah! Thanks for always being that person that have a bubbly and cheerful character, you always seem to be quite high uh, hahaha! But that's good, I would like to apologize for disturbing you with the rest! :P But I hope it doesn't hurt you! You're a strong girl aren't you Jessie! Your character is really very cute! Stay cute alright! MEOW MEOW! :D

ELINA - ELINAAAAAAA! FRISBEE PRO . LOL! Seriously no joke eh, when I first saw you, straight away you remind me of frisbee, hahah cause I remember that I told you, that you look like my friend who plays frisbee also! HAHAHA! You're a very cute little girl who keeps losing her voice ! I don't know how you do that so many times but yeah! Take care of that voice of yours! Thanks for always cheering us on during the games! :D But we didn't really talk much ! :( I would love to know you better some day ! Thanks for helping subgrp11 with our games and also the other SCs and also not forgetting that you helped us get our lunches and stuff, I really appreciate them!

Eunice - EUNICE! :D Thought it was by chance, that I happen to know you, that day during the rehearsal for our performance, I just happen to take a seat beside you, and i'll remember that you think that i'm a 16yo small boy. HAHAH! But from that conversation, I could tell that you really listened well to what I have to say, and also our first conversation had substance in it, though I couldn't really remember what we talked about but yeap good substance. Thanks for always being that person that smiles each time, thus also creating a smile in others. I really liked your hair style! LIKE A AWESOME! :D And I think we also talked about our ear piercing and stuff ! Well, I believe that you're someone who would be a very good friend and a best friend at it as well, someone who really would give her ear to a person who needs it, and her advice if you have it. I believe you are a friend that your friends will really treasure alot. ^^! Jiayous yeah! :D

I haven't been updating much cause i've been stuck watching Vampire diaries! :P I wonder why i didn't watch it at first, but omg it's so nice! now I've got to chiong :P Nonetheless, today's given topic is Beauty and how does society see it.

Wednesday ! 

So there has been a recent craze that hit the internet recently on YouTube which is called The Harlem Shake.   I'm quite sure everyone who uses the social networks know about it. According to the net it's called an " Internet MeMe in a form of a video " It's a video of about 30 seconds where the first half of it would be just a random person moving on the spot doing his random dance, while the people around him are happening to look clueless and even so ignorant of it. But when the bass drops of this piece of music, everyone in the video ( even people from God knows where suddenly appear )  starts to go crazy doing their own kind of random dance. They try to do with minimal clothes on or with some random props or costumes! There has been so many versions all around YouTube, and I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching them cause they are just hilarious, waiting for the bass to drop, waiting to see just how retarded they are. The most important  part of this you may as is the music. It's a part taken from a full song called " Harlem Shake " by Baauer. To me actually I think it's rather nice ! :P Quite funny too! I wonder actually if I would ever come to a point of time where we'll have to do it as well ! HAHAHA! I seriously just can't imagine myself doing that stuff! But maybe one day if we're all drinking maybe we'd do it. LOL! We all do stupid stuff tgt if we're all high :P I've seen some Singapore ones they aren't too bad as well! You guys should check it out to! :D For me the best i've see so far is....lets see.. I don't know actually ! TROLOLOL! Too many are nice alr !

Other than that, I've got exams coming up oh my goodness. Stress, but at the same time i'm not feeling the urgency. Hmm.. I'm bombarded at all sides with decisions to make and all seems to the best decision for the situation. But then I've got to choose the right one and I know what's the right choice. So I guess there just no turning back, and just hope for the best. Whatever it is, i'm sure it'll work out! *I suppose to be studying but then I feel like playing battlefield. LOL oops :X " Okay I actually turned it on before I even finish this post. Guess imma go play now! :P

Do write in the tagboard in the footsteps section at the left or tweet to me at @mendthisheart if you've got any comments or if you got anything you want me to talk about in my next post! Peace! :D

A little background of what I'm going to talk about today.

Singapore second series of coins which we are all familiar with, has been around for about 25-28 years now. MAS ( Monetary Authority of Singapore ) has came up with the idea of releasing the third series in mid 2013. With new looks and designs and weight. Seems like Singapore is in the year of big changes uh?

It was released that they are going to release these new coins rather soon, but fret not cause the old coins will still be used. They have been planning since the end of 2011 near the start of 2012. So it's been going on for some time now. In my opinion, i'm actually quite excited for this change. It's something I'm looking forward to. The change of coins to me I believe is actually a good change. As the denominations are according to size from the 5 cents to the dollar coin, it increases in size. Last time, the 50 cent used to be bigger than the dollar coin itself. With the new third series, the coins are now much lighter, easier to identify with the visually-impaired, which in my opinion is a good change to help the people.

The designs have changed as well. From the old designs in the second series of the Singapore Gardens to the iconic places of Singapore in the third series. The different coins symbolizes different places as follows - 5cents - The Esplanade, 10cents - Public Housing, 20cents - Changi Airport, 50cents - Port Of Singapore, Dollar coin - The Merlion.

The coins are made with different materials, which are easier and less costly to produce. They are made with a new security design. This thing called the electromagnetic signature (EMS) which allows vending machines to detect and reject counterfeit or foreign coins. I never knew there were counterfeit coins! Never heard of any news of people using fake coins either. The dollar coin has a laser engraving of Vanda Miss Joaquim, the national flower of Singapore which looks cool. Actually the Dollar coin is the most attractive coin out of the whole set cause of it's double layered coating of brass and nickle. Weeee!  The coins are practically the same sizes except for the 50cents and the dollar coins and each of them have different types of side graving, so the visually impaired people can identify themselves with it I suppose? 
I just can't wait to get my hands on these new coins. I even have a big truck load of coins at home and I wonder if I have some 1 cents anywhere. LOL! Ancient coin. Anyone has the first series coins? I've not seen on before though. I cannot imagine how much work has to be done in order for all coin operating machines to be able to accept the new coins. I'm sure we have to get used to it slowly, but I think it's going to be rather easy now. I like the new designs. It's time for change people! I think we only have more to look forward to. I hope it is all appealing and helpful to us ! Not like the previous post on the 6.9million population. 

Sorry to the readers who aren't from Singapore for the current posts which you have no idea about but at least maybe you know some stuff hehe! :P 
Thanks for reading the post! If you have any more topics you wish to ask me about do write in the tagboard at the footsteps section on the left or tweet to me @mendthisheart ! Peace out! ^^