Life has been really tough these few weeks. School exams, and just life. I don't know how i pulled through but i did. Oh gosh, i'm suddenly having headache as I start to write... But whatever, if i don't finish, I most probably won't write again for a long time. Everything just seemed meaningless in my life recently, I was just so tired of everything. I don't know what to do, where to go, who to talk to about my stuff and all. But mostly I couldn't talk about it cause it's something I have to go through myself. Been rather quiet I can say. Don't know if people noticed but some did. For my exams I gave it all I got, i studied so much, i felt really bad that I didn't go for cell group just cause I wanted to study. I felt really terrible. My leader said, that even my O lvl members came for every cgm and pm. Then I just felt extra crappiness. I felt I let her down, I let God down. I couldn't concentrate on my studies anymore. I was torn between doing well for my exams and cgm. The right answer would be putting God first, but also doing well so that you can glorify God right? But at the same time if I don't do anything about my studies then I don't know. I studied so so much and I still got a B. Im glad cause I expected it to be a B. Oh well, somehow I missed 2 CGM and 2 pm this year. Felt like crap. I stopped and think, everything I'm going through, why am going through this, and why is others who are not leading a spiritual life, having a better life than me as of now. I just couldn't understand it. I broke down, I cried. I felt I wasn't close to God, I felt far. But then today I found my answer. Everyone was asking me to go clubbing tonight, since r3hab was in town today. But oh well, I was thinking of going, and not heading to prayer meeting. But then I didn't go in the end, I went for prayer meeting instead. I am so glad I did, if not I would still be stuck in my own little world of sorrows for myself. Pastor was sharing about our circumstances. He said this, " Whenever we are in circumstances, we always compare our behind the scenes to other people's highlight reals/reels?" The example he quoted was, let's say you gave 10,000 for building fund, and the other guy gave 1,000 and he got blessed 10,000 and you are sitting there thinking to yourself, God I gave you so much more but I didn't get back anything. Which results in INSECURITY. We always think that others are better than us. I just felt that message was for me or the answer to my cries. We have to understand we are doing so much better than we think we are. We have to know the purpose of our circumstances. I believe that now, whatever I'm going through, there's a reason for it. I just have to know what's it for and for that I've to seek and pray. Sometimes when we don't see that door out of our circumstance opening, we start to lose hope and be discouraged. If we look to God, instead of the door, we can be set free in our hearts, and soon we will be physically also set free. We have to learn to embrace our circumstances in our life. We go through things in life because there's a reason for it in the end. We have to be contended with what God has given to us right now, and be at peace with ourselves before we can find deliverance. I believe that right now, I really feel blessed, thinking back on my life, through every ups and downs, there's always the blessing that comes after, or the way it shapes my life for the better, or how it gives me the experience of going through that part of life that now I can help others who are going through it. There's always a purpose. Sometimes I know we can really stoop low in our worries and sadness, it happens to me alot, but times like this only God shows me the reason, be refreshes my mind and my heart and builds me up and encourages me to fight. We have to know that we're already halfway through, it's stupid to give up now. We can do so much more if we can persevere! Though sometimes our circumstances can go on for a long period of time, just stay hopeful, sing praises and pray during these times and you will find that it will soon be over. I really found my answer for my troubles now. Though it might still weigh me down physically, but my soul and spirit, will never succumb to it. It will find it's way out. I do hope for those reading this post, that you will find your reason through the storms of your life. Your circumstances are like incubators that will help you become a better person if you allow yourself to learn and know what you have to do (the right thing) that will bring your victory over your circumstance. I really do hope you will be grateful for what you have right now, for family, friends, food. Other's don't even have some of these. I pray that you will be blessed! (:

" True freedom is not found when we are out of our circumstances, but true freedom is found when we are in our circumstances" - Pastor Aries.