Well , just finished watching movies , going to bed soon , i guess ill be back to blogging as usual .

As of now , i dont know how to explain how I feel . You know sometimes we love someone so much that you're afraid of losing them. And also , you would want to them love you back the same way you do. But what if its just only you , only you loving them so much , giving so much of your time and effort , but they don't show you a single act that they love you . Though you guys are not tgt, but you know that the person loves you, deep in your heart somewhere you just want to hear those 3 words each night before you sleep, how does it feel to be the one doing the all the loving. But you're okay with it cause you love that person , but sometimes you'll just come to feel that need of love in that lonely heart of yours. Though you know he/she loves you , but how sure that they actually do? Do they show that they do ? How do you live each day , knowing in your heart and mind that you're feeling lonely, but you just don't show it to them cause you don't want them to worry. And yeah , maybe they are still quite uncertain of what they feel , maybe they dont know what they feel about you even , they don't know how to react to someone they love . These takes time , some mature faster , some don't . You know waiting would certainly kill you over the months , but you're willing to go through it , but slowly down the road the one you love doesnt show any signs of their love for you . It does kill you doesn't it ? Sometimes we wish we could just be unmatured and see things from their eyes , but we cant. Being matured sometimes has it tolls , how you wish you could be young again ? Being carefree and having fun in school talking to friends , it was just all about you in your own world then , but sooner or later we get kicked out into reality/the world. I would never understand how those young kids with such carefree lives would feel. I was never brought up that way, though i had my fun when i was young , i was quite matured only being 10 years old , that was when my life just seemed so .. down. Trust me, when you become matured the world isnt that much of a happy place anymore. At the age of 10 , it was really too much for me. Family , Friends , Self-Esteem. Ive been hurt so much that i was alr having suicidal thoughts , i became that emo kid who just cuts himself hurts himself , drowns himself in sorrow . I hated myself , and now i hate who i used to be . But this cant be compared to those out there, there is always others who are in worse situations than what we think we are in . Sometimes its just hard for ppl to accept reality. But now we're all old, we have to take things seriously no more playing around.
Sometimes we just happen to wonder , why would someone love us . Though we try not to have such a low self-esteem , we just wonder ..... we usually think that we aren't good enough , how could someone possibly love us right , if you say u've never felt tt way , well its either you have a bloody hell high self esteem of yourself or you're just bullshitting yourself . We all would like to know what is it about us that the other person likes. Unknowingly , that is one of the first few questions that you actually ask someone who says that he/she loves you . But sometimes it does suck when the person only said they love you once or twice. I dont get it why is it so hard to say that they love you when they have alr said it before . I guess its just how some people are. Can someone tell me why would they say love other people , but they wont say they love you ? Is it because they are nervous ? But whats there to be nervous about when u've said it before. Thats where i guess maturity comes into place , cause they don't knw hw to react eh ? Things we say about ourselves when we are young , is just real bullshit , sorry to burst bubbles here but tts how i just feel about it , we say we wont do this we wont do that , or we will be like this and tt , when you become older , all that just changes , but if you say it everyday of your life from young, yeah thats how you'll grow up to be . So just hope tt what you tell yourself isnt something that will stop you from moving on in the future. How do you feel when the one you love says they will never get married and that they don't want to, that they don't want a r/s , but they don't want you to leave cause then they wouldn't even have a chance being with you, i just don't get it . They just rather leave it like loving one another without being tgt. What if you wasted all these time , and that person doesnt want to move on with you , its like you both are stuck there, going nowhere and both of you will regret it, if one decides to leave. I believe when we have someone good going on , that we grab hold of it making it ours and not letting it just linger and dangling with loose ends , cause it might just get caught with smth else and get pulled away . You'll never know what will happen , but when it does don't regret tt you didnt take the chance to make it yours. And also how do you feel when you are asking a serious question , and the other person just totally replies something else avoiding the question. It hurts doesnt it ? Secondly they change the subject , and im not the kinda person who asks twice. Avoid it once , and ill just forget tt i even asked that question myself. It just hurts when you get bombed right in the face when yr being serious with something. Maybe its time for miracles. Love is never easy. Once you've loved , don't give up on it. Build on it , Or You'll lose It.

We are Who we Are.
When will you ever understand how i feel and when will you ever tell me how you exactly feel.